I like my sex mixed with concussions.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
