Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
