I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MIDGETS
????
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
