I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
