Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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