Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
