White coat. Heels.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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