is this the sara with the beer cane?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
