eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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