yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
