i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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