Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize