matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
