im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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