Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
