just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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