My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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