goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
