My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You smell like stripper and shame
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
