dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
