i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
