you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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