i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
