i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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