I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
