I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize