you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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