Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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