your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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