Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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