I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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