marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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