dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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