dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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