I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
