I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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