it was like eating out sand paper
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am one with the molecules
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
