My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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