you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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