the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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