Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
