are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
