i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
