I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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