drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
