my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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