You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
