So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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