Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
