She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
