i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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