i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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