Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Go after that dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize