Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
