piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
