Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
