College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
