Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
