my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
