What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
