Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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