I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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