Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
