Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
