No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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