Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I want is dick and wine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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